The Obit (Tentative Outline)

Joel White was found dead in his Washington, DC apartment early this morning. According to medical examiners, he suffered a massive heart attack around 4 AM. Large amounts of nicotine and caffeine were found in his system as well as a blood alcohol content of nearly 0.2%. An empty pack of cigarettes and a toy lightsaber were found at his side. He was situated near an iHome which was playing "Call on Me" on repeat which, according to his close friends, indicated that Mr. White "died doing what he loved most." What little possessions he owned were given to charity, as his will only stipulated that his body be donated to science. Specifically, Mr. White insisted that tar should be harvested from his lungs in order to "solve the energy crisis," although doctors admit that most of his organs are completely useless. He was 25.